Monday, December 6, 2010

If you're lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company

 My new koto fingernails (I have weird fingers I know, the kids at school used to call me E.T)
Two images from Rinko Kawauchi's Cui Cui
My owl/recorder. My boyfriend puts me on mute when we skype.
New salt and pepper shakers. Smitten.
 Mum and Dad
Enthusiastic young Japanese boy about to eat a biscuit
Inspiration boards

My brother spent one summer out in the middle of nowhere roaming the land, hunting and living in a small shack. I always romanticised the idea of heavy duty 'alone time' but never indulged in it. I pictured myself in a deserted cottage in the quaint countryside with nothing but a camera, a stack of books and enough food to last me a few weeks. Of course, such a fantasy never eventuated as I was too busy spending holidays and down time with friends and family. My brother and I are polar opposites and I find he is shy around everyone, even me, his own sister. What it took me a while to understand is that he truly enjoys his own company and is a bonafide master of alone time. When I first arrived in Japan I freaked out. I was all alone, rattling around in my apartment and totally uncertain about what to do with myself. I had no friends to call up for a coffee, no one to party with, no boyfriend to fall asleep next to at night. My loneliness was all consuming. It made me feel uneasy. I spent the first night crying in front of Japanese game show television while sipping on beer and eating a banana. There might have even been a panic attack. While I was supposed to be feeling elation that my plans had finally came to fruition I woke up in the mornings and felt nervous. Bit by bit I'm starting to enjoy my own company and happily embarking on adventures by myself with no degree of self consciousness. Even though it's a bit dorky I have to come to realise I am okay company and there are so many things around me that inspire. Lately I have been making image boards for inspiration, devouring photography books, practicing on my koto with my politically incorrect ivory and leather fingernails, creating horrendous tunes on my owl recorder, rifling through old pictures of mum and dad and collecting weird and wonderful Japanese confectionary packaging.

No comments:

Post a Comment