Oh the angst

At school I was definitely a geek. Frizzy hair, pimples, braces and an awkward lankiness were all part of my aesthetic. I didn't fit in with the wallflowers or academics so instead developed smart arse repartees to try and combat those who were better looking than I. Sometimes I stuck fridget magnets to my braces to get a laugh, but in reality it was pretty dire times. 

My staple outfit consisted of a black turtleneck, faded stonewashed bootleg jeans and leather lace ups. I knew what I liked but was worried I would look too ugly/silly if I tried to pull something off that was 'fash-un'. The group of girls I hung out with were good looking and popular so on Friday nights boys would ring me up to ask whether particular girls were interested. It was so depressing.  

I was totally and completely in love with the art teachers son and would create intricately detailed fantasies in my mind about the two of us doing something mundane, like walking through the supermarket car park together. Through some minor miracle he became my first boyfriend and briefly, I was the happiest girl on earth. One evening I snuck down my long driveway to find him waiting for me, beer can in hand, ready to kiss me. 

It was a first lip lock for both of us and afterwards I lay awake shaking in excitement replaying the strange memory of a tongue in my mouth. Three days after the spectacular kiss he dumped me at a friends party, on a trampoline. I was devastated to discover he liked a much prettier geek who he started dating. I cried until my eyes were red and hazy and refused to eat dinner. 

In the following years I would act out in rebellion to try and gain popularity which lead to my exile to a posh English style boarding school courtesy of my worried parents. The girls at the school heard a rumor that I was a half Mexican half Spanish drug dealer and no one really talked to me for the first term for fear I would offer them cocaine.

Being a teen was hard. All the soul searching and angst is at times too much to take on and although most teenagers (me) can be self involved and inconsiderate,  it would have been good to know that I didn't need to worry that these weren't the best years of my life and eventually the awkward self loathing would pass. Ahh, the beauty of hindsight.

My dedication list of TV shows and movies that gives me sweet sweet nostalgia about being a teen.

Freaks and Geeks

My So Called Life

The Wonder Years

Ghost World

Virgin Suicides

An Education

Pretty in Pink

Kids

The Wackness

Welcome to the Dollhouse

Sweet Sixteen

Ferris Bueller's day off

Mystic Pizza

Dazed and Confused

American Beauty